Monday, December 05, 2005

Comment Contest ... Runners-Up, Semi-finalists and Winner(s)

Okay, I am using my executive's perogative to go ahead and merge the finalists and the winner of the Comment of the Year Contest.

First, a few words. This will be for the foreseeable future the last (and also the first) Comment of the Year Contest. Why? Well, too much work. Also, there are a lot of great comments and it's too hard to pick. Plus, I don't want to alienate those who take the time to comment. But ... I said I would do it this year.

And, I find out that all of my fancy linking did me basically no good. The comments can't be retrieved after a certain time, so I am left to go on memory. Some of the fabulous comments were earlier in the year, and they are long gone. So, my apologies for not being able to post the actual content to more comments.

So, here's what I will do. I will go down the line and recognize some that I just thought were great, all the while working our way to the Comment Champion (Hint: His name begins with "R"). We start with ...


First, we had Julie, my left-wing friend, who early on saw the way to get ahead in this contest by "poisoning Goomba." Yet, of course, that was before the uber-commenters arrived on the scene. Still, this good-natured dig was great.

I also got a kick out of Pusillanimous Charlie's frustrated cry: "Smile. You're on Terrorist Sympathizer." When the too-serious Charlie got wound up (and ironically let loose), he was pretty good/funny. I also laughed for several days when he called Rhod "Savior Thesaurus." I am giggling now writing about it. Rhod clearly flummoxed the lefty commenters and added a new dimension to this fortified conservative position. Charlie didn't/doesn't seem to appreciate it, and I think that's too bad. The discussion is good, instructive, and usually good for some smiles, as well. They're just words, people, and they're generally not even from people you know. Deep breaths.

Another great comment was provided by Jess, in response to my post regarding the Newsweek-created stooge Muslim protesters with signs that looked like had made them. Jess remarked that one of them might have said that his "Naser pin was right under my turbine." Jess quickly gathered himself to point out what I already knew: He meant to say "Nader" pin. But this fumble went into the end zone and was recovered by Jess for a TD. Capturing the protesters' dual mastery of both the English language and the American political system in one sentence was genius. Doing so accidentally was hysterical.


Mark comments often and well, often combining with his fellow Viet Nam vet Rhod to create a rhetorical death trap for lefties. Mark has gotten off many good shots, including his dealing the "Air-Dale" card from the bottom of the deck to a McCain supporter and AF vet. He just recently commented about the origin of Hillary, as well: " ... cloned from Eleanor Roosevelt and Bella Abzug ... OMG I have created a monster, that would be the shortest, ugliest, almost human creature ever.. But then again that sorta sums up Hilary." That was pretty good, but ... my favorite and funniest, though, was when he got into it with Scott from the PW crowd. Scott pointed out that he, too, served in the military, and Mark remarked: "We used to say there was 99% good troops and 1% shitbird. Were you in the 1%?" This was ROFL material, and I think this was supposed to be a rhetorical question. Not satisfied, though, in the same comment advised Scott that "if you want to run with the big dogs, you had better grow some balls." I thought that about summed it up.

Of course, the Great Goomba had numerous top-notch comments this year. But as a contender for blog of the galaxy, he is ineligible for this little prize. (See right sidebar and go vote for Nickie Goomba for the Weblog Award -- Best of Top 250-500 Blogs.) I thought Nick's Memorial Day comment was extremely moving and just tremendous. Nick's humor is classic, too. The best was when he remarked that the dialogue here had sent Wanker running "Willie-in-Hand." It was pithy, a great play on words, very, very funny, and this comment might have been the contender, but for ...

The Winner

Rhod. If you have read this blog with any frequency and noted the comments this year, you are aware of the many, many great comments by Rhod. I am sorry I can't retrieve some of the older ones. Great writing. Good humor. Facts. Graciousness. A great guy to have on your side. Sounds like a conservative to me, but hey ...

Get a load of some of these great quotes: "Dean is a middle-aged stripper sent to entertain the already-drunk" ... the "impacted stupidity of the Left" ... leftist angst is like a "pocket of migrating methane".

And Rhod got rolling when the Leftists rolled up on our position here. After one cyber-tantrum, Rhod advised the offending lefty to "busy himself with the mobile above his crib and stop trying to sound like an adult." This is instructive for you aspiring lefty humorists out there. The way to do this humor thing is with subtlety and irony. Stop overreaching. I mean, I know you think I am Satan. But calling conservatives "Satan" is not funny. Talking about you, after a cyber-tantrum, playing with your mobile, is very funny.

And, by the way, stop whining about good conservative commenters who argue hard but always stay on point. Dropping a string of f-bombs and claiming the opposition is a fascist, or a big ol' angry meanie is not an argument. It's not funny. It's a sure sign you are losing the debate, too. Get smart. I mean, get on Rhod, Nick's and Mark's side. That's a start. But I digress. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Here is what I mean. Look at the factual attack on McCain's record by Rhod in this comment:
Mark and I ran over McCain a few times on other blogs.

Point One is that being a war veteran should NEVER expand a person's importance, because it makes you an expert on nothing except your particular experience. McCain is an expert on the Hanoi Hilton; he's a grandstanding, dishonest shmoozer in The Senate.

Point Two is that one war veteran can always sense a fraud in another one when he sees it. McCain, for me, was trading off his experience as a negative value by always being so smarmy and modest about it. Add Chris Matthews to the foot-shuffling Will Rogers/John McCain routine, and you had to turn your head away in disgust. If McCain was selling vacuum cleaners door to door, he'd wear his Class-A's and medals and then say he's sorry, but he's too poor to buy another suit.

Point Three is that being stubborn as a POW is admirable, but it means nothing in the larger world. Compromising egomaniacs come in all shapes and sizes; McCain is just one of a kind. And that's because he was shot down. Big deal.

Point Four is that McCain is a liar, especially about the so-called Bush smear in the Carolinas. That entire issue arose at a town hall meeting where whats-her-name claimed that her daughter/son was appalled at a phone call smearing John McCain. NO ONE ELSE had such a phone call, and ALL the Bush phone promotions were reviewed and found innocent. McCain went on to claim everywhere that Bush smeared him. And this clings to Bush even today; The Left uses it against Bush and McCain says nothing.

Point Five is that most of what McCain says on other issues, especially McCain Feingold is connected to Point Four.
And there was this poignant comment by the old soldier on the USMC birthday about the passing of a local Marine:
Last Summer a former Marine up the road from us died suddently at the age of 69. His name was Norman, but we called him Nobby, for reasons unknown to me.

He ran nearly every day, bicycle-raced, could still do almost 100 pushups, built his own house with a fieldstone tower beside it, rode a Harley, was bright, educated, kind to a fault, and because this is Connecticut, he was our only neighbor with unfailing support for our sons and the Iraq War. He never failed to ask about them.

Even in this foggy liberal swamp, something vanished with Nobby, and it effected everyone for miles around, everyone who knew him. We all thought he'd go on forever, for one thing. But I also believe that everyone felt secure in knowing that such men existed, even the Clintonoids and Kerryites.

Marines are like that. In their excellence they raise the average for us farther than it deserves to go, and the loss of one Marine removes the vicarious courage derived from him by ten other men. Without Nobby the rest of us have to stand on our own because there's no one to replace him.

I believe this to be true.
Humor? There was this jewel about Boxer's book, which contained horribly written sex scenes, featuring both humans and horses:

The horse sex scene left me feeling happy to be human, and the human sex scenes made me wish I was a horse.

My Three Favorites

The following three winners show the versatility and writing ability of Rhod's commentary.

For instance, in the following comment after Katrina, we saw writing that is pretty special:
The sweep and scope of this terrible thing is to be reminded of how complex, and fragile, all of our lives are. I look around my realm here and see columns and piles of things, but only a few which matter. None of them is waterproof or permanent but my life would be barren without them. I'm blessed to have them, and can do without the rest if anyone else needs it.

For countless thousands, even something simple like a prescription, or a single family photo of an immigrant grandmother, down to mortgage documents, a child's band instrument or a 3rd grade popstick and yarn dream catcher, a favorite book, a family bible, a lovely but annoying calico cat or mongrel dog, indeed maybe a spouse and all those helpful or irritable neighbors, are gone forever. Your life swept clean but scuffed, stained and water-marked forever in ways visible only to you.

The prattle and incessant yowl of the MSM on the agonies and loss are an intrusion upon the only way we can understand this misery, this churning horror and bottomless grief, and that is by making yourself aware of what was lost to others by measuring it against what you have. Then you can really give in the way you're supposed to give, fully aware of your surplus and the hollowness of want a thousand miles away or across the street. I won't do it as long as my hands are full and grabbing for more.
I think, too, that Rhod is really at his best when confronting the Left, like "Anon" who strolled in here and unwisely got off some wild shots before Rhod moved in. The following comment, which typically sent me scrambling for my dictionary, also ties for Comment of the Year:

Bush raised taxes? Draw and quartering isn't good enough for him. What do you have against tax increases?

Bush defamed McCain? You're lying. This charged was raised by ONE woman at a town hall meeting, proven false by submission of 2000 phone tapes and then broadcast by McCain and Judy Westheimer on NPR. No surprise you seized on it.

Bush's Guard Service and the claims of his CO? C'mon, dope. Even YOU can do better than that.

National Debt. I don't hear any of your Donk Gods complaining about it. It's a two-party problem. This is as worthy a complaint as your others. We're also at war, and one assumes all those national disasters come free of charge. Well, don't they?

I know nothing about Texas politics, but I doubt you're figures because you can't keep facts straight anywhere else.

To discuss the progress of the Iraq War with you, or nation building, would be utterly pointless. You wouldn't understand it. What's your alternative, genius? I discount these complaints simply because you have don't have any.

Good God, you're still bleating about the White House vandalism situation? Maybe they were referring to the sink where your God Clinton used to relieve himself, or the blue Gap dress hanger. You better stay away from the subject of Clinton's misdeeds, real or imagined. It's quicksand for you.

Tax cuts for the wealthy? This saw is so old it doesn't even cut through the jellyfish spine of a Democrat.

Your last two paragraphs are so utterly without merit and hysterical that I won't address them.

Keep that asafetida bag around your neck full of lavender and garlic. That way Bush won't get you.
So, with all of its fact-based argumentation and vivid descriptions, the two previous comments tie with, yes tie, with yet another comment that, alas, can not be retrived ... for Comment of the Year. That would be Rhod's reference to Ted Kennedy as the Demo Party's "rotten sea bass" on the pier. The stench and sight of the thing is horrific, but no one wants to pick it up and carry it off. Thus, they hope that the birds will take it away. I think I smelled the thing through the keyboard. Humor but with a biting, dead-on point.

So there you have it. Prizes? Well ... I think Goomba is going to split his Weblog Award winnings or something like that. No? Maybe I will send Rhod a free shirt if I ever make them. Don't know. In the meantime, a free subscription to this website for the next year, Rhod.

So congrats to Rhod, and many thanks. And thanks to you all for making this a much better space by your input.