Friday, July 29, 2005

Presser on the Beach



Mooloolaba Beach, Australia --

DC: I would like to welcome you all here. Thanks for coming down. It was kinda tight in the plane. I especially want to thank Nickie and Ms. Thomas for sharing a seat. It was a great time.

Of course, I have come here to celebrate my three Golden Meatballs. It is a great honor. I wanted to come to this great place because it is where I will start my world blogging tour some day. Just not now ... There is still too much paying work to be done.

There are are lot of people I would like to thank for getting to this point in my blogging career. I would like to thank my mother and dad -- Ma and Pa Cutter -- without them I wouldn't be here. And also I would like to thank my computer. And my publisher. That would be me. Mainly, I would like to thank my dad for instilling in me a love of country, and my English and journalism teachers for instilling in me the love of the printed word. And I would like to thank my commenters ... the best in the blogosphere ... for driving me to the next level.

Mainly, I would like to thank IMA, the Int'l Meatball Assn. for its work in helping me to this breakthrough moment. And I would like to thank Laurie Dhue.

And now, I will take your questions.

Yes, ma'am ...

Helen Thomas: Helen Thomas. Sir, today we heard that John Bolton had to change a questionnaire and may now be implicated along with Karl Rove in the leak of the name of Valerie Plame. When will the White House address this head-on?

("Battle Axe" disguised as cough heard three times from Goomba News Network section while question being asked)

DC: Excuse me. I would appreciate some decorum here. I would be happy to address this head-on. Ms. Thomas, I think there is a pending investigation, and I am not going to discuss this at this point. Yes, you, right there close to Ms. Thomas ... Yes, Nick ...

Nickie Goomba: Yes, sir. Nicholas Goomba, Goomba News Network, winner of Niko Bufaleone Award. I ... uh, first, thanks for bringing us here, and I was wondering how it feels to get three of my deals ... the ball doodads, the three balls, Golden Meatball deals.

DC: Actually, Nick, it is great. Great question, by the way. I mean, I feel good. I feel like I could get six, eight ... I mean, the IMA is in complete control of the categories.

Catherine Herridge: Catherine Herridge, Fox News: DC, there is some rumbling that the IMA actually meant to slight you, in light of the fact that one category made fun of your Texas roots and another implied that you are short, with a tall "companion". And I must say ... being as fair and balanced as I can, you are quite tall and handsome (murmuring in crowd).

DC: Thank you, Cate. As for me ... well, I take it as a high compliment. Of course, most things are high to the members of the IMA. Given that they are old, portly, and short, their jealousy is understandable. So, I don't worry about it. Make fun of Texas. It's the Capitol of the World. Texans can take it. Yes, ma'am, you have a follow up ...

Unidentified: Geez. For the sake of all things decent ...

Helen Thomas: Helen Thomas. Yes, sir, I was wondering ... when the President fires Karl Rove, should he be required to appoint a Democrat as his Deputy Chief of Staff, and would this perhaps heal some of the wounds from the stolen 2000 election?

DC: Helen, I think we have been over this ... I think I have answered ... Yes, you there. Yes, Laurie ...

Laurie Dhue: Laurie Dhue, Fox News. Where does the patriotism come from? What major influences do you credit for your passion in writing about America?

DC: Thanks, Laurie, for the great question. It all started with my dad, who taught me that being an American is a special responsibility. It is a great gift, but also a special responsibility. He also taught me that America is good. Not perfect, but good. And certainly as good a nation as the world has ever seen. Then, I would say the next major influence is my faith. I know this makes Helen's toenails curl, but tough. The Bible teaches me to be a good citizen, and it teaches me to cherish the freedom promoted to all people, believers and unbelievers alike, in America. This nation, I love it so. Yes, but not ... okay ...

Helen Thomas: Helen Thomas. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Federalist Society?

DC: Yes. (murmuring in the crowd). Yes, Nick ...

Nickie Goomba: Helen wants to know where is the food and when do we eat.

DC: Nick, c'mon. ... Okay, 30 minutes till meatball sandwiches. Goodness. Okay, Megyn.

Megyn Kendall: You seem to be confident about the Roberts nomination, both that Judge Roberts will be confirmed and that he will not disappoint conservatives as a member of the Supreme Court. How come you are so confident?

DC: Two words, Meg: George Bush. Ultimately, I must admit that I have to trust the President's judgment in the pick. And ... if you look at his various nominees, they have been very good on the whole, and each one of them has done as the President expected in their various roles ... Rummy, Condi, Gonzalez, etc. Plus, the more we learn about Roberts, it appears that I was right to have this confidence. He looks like the real deal. He will be confirmed. It doesn't hurt that he is smarter than all the members of the Senate Judiciary Committee combined. Alisyn ...

Alisyn Camerota: Alisyn Camerota, Fox News. Some have wondered if you are having fun with the blog. It got kinda serious with the shootouts with the Leftists recently. Are you having fun?

DC: Well, we're here, aren't we? I mean, yes, some of what we talk about is serious ... like the Iraq War ... like how do we face down jihadis that want to kill us all in the West, both left and right. But, yes, I am enjoying this. I wish I had more time to devote to the blog. I must be more regular with the format (column early in the week and short mid-week update), but events have been racing. And the Roberts' nomination has made it tough. But writing is fun. And my blogger friends make it fun. And the commenters. So, we press on ...

(Sound of female screaming.)

Helen Thomas: Get your hands off me, you pig!!

Nickie Goomba: What?

Kiran Chetry: It's Nickie and Ms. Thomas fighting over the meatball sandwiches, DC.

DC: You have got to be kidding me. Nick, I swear, I can't take you anywhere. Try to show you the world and look what you do. Yesterday, you are doing carrier quals in the aisle of my plane. Would you just hang on? Okay, one last question so we can eat ... Yes ...

Lisa Bernhard: Lisa Bernhard, Fox News. Mr. Cutter, looking over your writing and argumentation, I was wondering if you have some sort of training or background that makes you adept at dealing with the Left.

DC: Well, Lisa, it helps to be right. But seriously, I have been on the ideological battlefield with the Left for 25 years now ... orally and in print. As a journalism student, I was one of about three or four conservative students on my campus newspaper in the 80s. We made an impact and ultimately helped to bring balance to the paper. My pothead, Marxist editor used to argue with me about my columns as he "edited" them. It was a joke, but I persevered. I have had my faith mocked, my patriotism mocked,my conservatism laughed at as hokey, my whole belief system challenged over and over again over the last quarter of a century, in my personal and professional life. I may not have heard all of the Left's arguments twice, but I have heard pretty much all of them at least once.

And it all has just made me stronger. I am just getting started.

Thank you all for coming.