Wednesday, July 06, 2005

FLASH: Demos Come Out in Favor of War for the First Time in 64 Years

Cutter Network News EXCLUSIVE:

In an incredible development, Democrat Sen. Charles Schumer was overheard speaking to a friend on his cell phone, and he made one of the most incredible statements heard in Washington in a while: “We are contemplating how we are going to go to war over this.”

"I read this on Drudge, and I was very happy to scoop the aggressive sleuths at the the GNN," DC, the author of the influential conservative blog "Daisy Cutter" told a group of fawning reporters who hung on the New Media giant's every word. "However, the only reason that Chucky does not need a UN resolution or even an enemy is because he is declaring war on a yet-unknown Bush Supreme Court nominee. Now, we have the Demos in favor of war against invisible, non-existent extremists. Maybe we can get them on board to fight real extremists."

After the opening remarks, two Fox News reporters passed out and had to be taken from the press conference in an ambulance. A GNN reporter administered mouth-to-mouth on both reporters at the same time.

DC wrapped up the brief press conference by saying, "Democrats know not nor speak not the truth. Fortunately, they are also dumber than dirt and know not to stop running their pie holes when a man in a fedora with a tape recorder is present."

DC then scattered the reporters with this parting blast: "And if any of you quote me, remember I am to remain anonymous and I will have you all put in jail where you belong."

Developing ...